Can we all agree to disagree?Jul 23, 2022
I saw this post from Adam Grant on Instagram this week and it made my heart happy:
It also reminded me of a school project I heard about once, where the 5th graders had to argue all sides of an argument between a nature conservancy and a logging company. They had to take turns defending the animals, the logging company, and also the mayor who was concerned with protecting the economic prosperity of the town.
I was so grateful the kids had been given this assignment, because the deepest truth I know is that there is not just one right way.
Not just one right way to feel.
Not just one right way to think.
And another truth I know:
There is not just one right way to parent.
My right way may not be yours. Your right way on Tuesday with your middle child may not be the right answer for your eldest on Wednesday. Your right way may not be your partner's right way.
Each moment is complex. Each parent and child is many faceted.
Sometimes I get asked why I no longer offer individual sessions. I usually explain that I can't, given how busy my mentorship programs are. This is one level of my truth. A deeper truth is that I don't want to. I am not interested in giving you quick answers to your life when I don't even know you, or telling you what the latest data says you should do. Instead, I see my job as something else entirely...
First, I get to know you, as I also share with you yes, everything I know about how children function. But that is not where we stop. That is where we START. We then go on to build a genuine relationship together. Throughout the six-month mentorship, we explore your values, your child's temperament, the systems you currently have in place, what's driving you nuts these days and how we can make it stop, the hopes and dreams you have for yourself and for your child, and how we can make them your real, lived, almost everyday experience. This is an intimate and customized process, and the parents and I both love it.
Precisely because it makes room for your humanity, your kids' humanity, and mine as well.
Together, we inhabit a world where we allow ourselves to stumble but also encourage the ability to rise up quicker each time. Where we celebrate differences. Where ALL perspectives, nuances, vantage points and voices get to be heard.
Have something to say about this? Write me back. I'd love to hear it. For real.