Parenting can be a real mindf*ck.
Sometimes beautiful.
Other times brutal.
If today is one of the days you're hiding somewhere in a car / closet / bathroom trying to process how the heck your life got to this moment, please know you are not alone.
When parents first come to me, here are some of the thoughts looping on repeat in their minds:
👉 I am giving them everything. So why don’t they appreciate it?!
👉 I love my kids. But — gak — I’m not sure I like them.
👉 Why is it so easy for so-and-so? Is there something wrong with me - or with my kids?
👉 I thought I was going to do it differently. And here I am: failing, just like my parents did.
Sure, these statements may have some truth. But so do these:
✨ Your kids might not need “more.” They might need something different. And it might be less. And easier.
✨ Kids can be assholes. There, I said it, so now you don’t have to. But hey so can we. At the end of the day, we are all humans who are complex and growing. Hot tip: Watch them while they sleep tonight. It’s an easy and quick way to fall back in love with them.
✨ Everyone is carrying something. If you feel like you are carrying more, I believe you, and you should know that you don't have to carry it alone.
✨ You are infinitely capable of telling a new story. You can let your current “failure” beat you down or you can use it to stoke your commitment to succeed in the future.
There is ALMOST ALWAYS more than one truth. You get to choose which truth gets you the life you want.
Allow me to propose this one: Our kids don’t need us to be perfect. They need us to show them how we fall down and then get back up again.
Consider popping this Mother Flipping Awesome-ism on a loop in your brain:
"Su.Fu.Su."
It means “Show up. F*ck up. Show up.”
It’ll remind you to get back up. Because what happened today happened. But the STORY you tell about what happened today matters more. And the ending of that story hinges on what you do next.
So make it a good one.
Lastly — the truth I most want you to know is that you have so much more power than you think you do. That power starts with HOW you see what your kid is doing, how much you understand why they are doing it, how much you know about what your options are for handling whatever is coming at you, and how much control you have over yourself to be the person who can make your best choices. Your kids’ temperament and the circumstances that befall you are not within your control. Everything else I mentioned is. So start there. Take one step at a time. Rinse & repeat, fall down & get back up, and someday you will find you have risen.
Sending you love, my friend.
